The Two WORST Kinds of Friends to Keep When You’re Married

 ....Are “Nay-Sayers” and “Yes Men”

Are you surprised I didn’t say “opposite sex friends” was one of them?

While its true that if you’re a married woman,

It’s not wise to entertain close personal friendships with other (straight) men,

It doesn’t mean absolutely no man can be your friend.

You can have male co-workers whom you get along with.

You can have acquaintances on Facebook. 

There will be people you see around town

that you like to chat up for a minute.

You can have friends who have a husband and you get along with the husband,

Having a conversation or two when you're at their house for dinner.

As long as boundaries are set, recognized and honored, you are okay.

As soon as “feelings” start to form or get involved, it’s time to say “goodbye”.

But that’s not what I’m here to write about.

I’m here to tell you that if you’re married, the two worst kinds of friends to keep

(male OR female!) Are “nay sayers” and “yes men”.

What are nay-sayers?

Nay-sayers always try to dispute your choices.

No matter what you do, no matter how healthy or what motive,

They will try to talk you out of it.

Sometimes, they do this no matter WHAT you are doing.

But sometimes, they always seem to hone in on something

That is key in your life

Something you need support with....

And they try to talk you out of that thing.

If that is your marriage or your love for your spouse,

It’s time to kiss your friend goodbye.

It’s healthy to have balanced friends who keep you accountable.

If they are saying “no, don’t do it” to decisions you bring to them

Like “should I leave my job?” “Should I go to this party in Vegas this weekend?”

“Should I spend this money?”, they are probably just trying to

keep you on a good track.

Although, unless they can back their “don’t do it” with some logical

Sound reasoning as to WHY you shouldn’t do it,

You may still have a nay-sayer in your midst.

If you are single and you just started dating a new guy

Or even if you’ve been dating for awhile,

And these seemingly well-grounded, well-rounded friends

Are saying “I don’t think he’s the one”,

You might want to hear them out.

(Ultimately, you have to make your own choices 

about your relationship, though.)

On the other hand, if you’re ALREADY married,

Your friends should NOT try to convince you that

your husband is the wrong guy.

Even if you have your squabbles and disagreements,

The bible says, in Mark 10:9,

“What God has brought together, let no man tear apart”.

It’s not their place to tell you that you should leave your spouse.*

They should not try to “sell” you reasons why he’s not “right” for you

Or try to encourage you to date this other person they know.

If they are kind to you, but mean to him....

(To his face or behind his back)

Dump them.

You can do it politely,

You can even give them a chance to change first,

But don’t keep these people around who are trying to drive a wedge

Between you two.

What are yes-men?

A yes-man is kind of the opposite of a nay-sayer.

No matter what you decide to do,

They are going to give you two-thumbs-up.

“Yeah! Go back to school!”

“Yeah, apply there, it’s time for a change!”

“Yeah you should totally go on a date with him!”

It sounds uplifting, positive and wholesome, right?

Once again, if they can’t back their advice with logic,

They are still not good friends to keep.

A yes-man (or woman) will often say you should do something

Because of poorly rooted reasons like

“You gotta do you!”

“There’s a first time for everything”

“YOLO!”

And while its good not to conform and copy everything

That someone else is doing,

It’s not good to just take a flying leap into something

“because you only live once”.

That’s not really sound advice. At all.

So it’s probably not great to always be taking this friend’s advice

Or approach to life when you’re single.

Now imagine if you throw it into the mix with a married life.

No matter what you bring to them,

They are going to try to give you the “go-ahead”

And may even go so far as to PUSH you into this

crazy thing that has been laid out before you.

Unfortunately, if you’re going through a troubled time

In your marriage,

Listening to the yes-man can lead to making choices

That hurt your spouse.

What if “yes man” tries to egg you on to flirt with someone else?

What if “yes man” starts saying you should leave your spouse

And go travel the world (and blow your money) for a year

“Because you gotta do you”?

What if you tell yes-man that you’re concerned about something

Your spouse is doing, and “could it mean he’s hiding something?”

And yes-man says “Oh yes, go with your gut! He’s definitely hiding something!”

Maybe they’re right, but most likely, they’re just messing with your head

And your emotions and their not-very-sound reasoning

Is going to cause a huge fight between you and the spouse.

Just like nay-sayer, yes-man is also going against

That verse from Mark 10.

She’s STILL driving that wedge, trying to tear you two apart...

It’s just that she’s giving a huge smile

and a thumbs up while she does it.

Time to un-friend yes-man.

A good friend would definitely encourage you to do the RIGHT thing.

Not the "YOLO" thing.

A good friend would remind you about that verse in Mark 10.

They would hopefully remind you to keep your faith

And turn to God,

Especially about matters of your marital life.

But even if they don’t...

At the very least, a good friend would give you and your spouse

The benefit of the doubt.

They wouldn’t encourage destructive behaviors.

They wouldn’t discourage healthy ones.

Most of all, they would honor your marriage and look at you

As “one”, like the bible says.

They would include BOTH of you

(unless it’s girls night out, that’s okay sometimes).

They would be kind to BOTH of you.

They would want the best possible outcome for BOTH of you.

If you have a friend like that....

....Keep them.

*In the unusual circumstance that you are in a physically abusive relationship,

Are being cheated on with no remorse from the husband,

Or he has a drug/drinking habit that is destroying both of you 

and putting you in real danger, 

a friend encouraging you to get out and go somewhere safe is not wrong.

You still should seek counseling from a professional in these circumstances

and not just base your entire course of action on one friend's advice.