The Mental Health Day, Part 1

The Mental Health Day

Part 1

What happens when the baby develops some type of allergy

Or maybe an intolerance to something

That causes tummy troubles

Which his daycare prohibits

And he gets sent home.... for the rest of the week?

First, you leave work early on a Wednesday

And take him to the doctor.

The doctor says they will run some tests

But these things take time.

So you go home with no resolve.

The daycare said he can’t come back until they can prove

It’s not contagious.

You go home in tears.

Because you don’t know how you’ll work out money

And if they will let him come back

Or if this is the beginning of a season of poor health...

You get told by your boss to calm down

And just take Thursday off to be with your son

Because your husband has exams all day.

You should be relieved to have a break

But you go to bed in a turmoil of anxiety.

...And Thursday you wake up in the same turmoil

Even though you got decent sleep.

You immediately launch into a monologue of worry

First thing in the morning.

Your husband gets annoyed.

But you are someone who doesn’t like

when well-established regime gets thrown into uproar.

You SHOULD NOT be home from work

When the baby is perfectly non-contagious

And just has an allergy playing up.

You are angry and sad at the same time

Which seems like overkill for this minor issue.

Then the baby’s doctor calls to inform you

that his insurance is invalid.

The free insurance.

That you got last year.

It’s not working anymore.

Because you didn’t qualify for the assistance this year.

But you missed that memo.

Now you will have to pay for insurance.

Of course, in an anxiety-fueled panic, you open the computer

And pull up a thousand websites and a million 1-800 numbers

Frantically trying to find more free or cheap insurance.

And then you pause.

You take a moment to realize

that you have a golden opportunity at your fingertips:

a weekday that you’re not at work

But it doesn’t have to be spent stressing over paperwork,

Whilst the baby screams in the background.

You close the laptop, stop looking up 1-800 numbers on your phone,

And decide “not to be an adult today.”

I mean, yes, you still care for the baby.

You buckle him into his car seat properly

And you make sure he has a healthy lunch.

But you decide NOT to spend the day addressing

“adult issues” and instead...

....you spend it following your heart and chasing your dreams.

October 3^rd was another one of those days

that God was trying to teach me something,

I just know it.

Just like how on July 4, He taught me a lesson about grace,

through my husband.

I was like a hurricane of anxiety and depression and stress.

And suddenly, as it was all coming a head,

It’s like a voice in MY head said ...

....”Stop.”

Was that my voice? Or God’s voice?

I decided to listen.

I decided to pack a baby bag and my bag too

And get into the car, and just .... go.

I went for a drive down long, open roads.

Roads that are usually more congested on the weekend

And at rush hour

But that were open and free at 10:30am on a Thursday.

I drove until I reached my “happy place”.

The one my husband rolls his eyes about.

Because 1) It’s far away and 2) it’s pricey

But it doesn’t matter. Something about it inspires me

To be better, healthier.

My happy place is a grocery store.

(Don’t ask, it’s a story for another day.)

We spend nearly an hour there,

Even though my bank account is low

And I don’t intend to go home with a huge trunk

Of fresh produce or overpriced frozen entrees.

We spend an hour looking at unique

Alternative versions of various foods,

The baby and I.

I look for cooking inspiration.

I compare prices.

Ultimately, I order a coffee at the coffee bar

Which is like a holistic Starbucks.

And I make a plate of gourmet vegetarian treats

From the salad bar.

I eat it slowly, savoring it, in the dining area

while I feed the baby his little spinach nuggets.

The baby laughs and smiles.

And I realize that if this were a normal day,

I would be at my desk at the office

And the baby would be at his daycare

And I wouldn’t be looking at his sweet face right now.

That's when I realize ...
It's not about how I'm having to miss a day of work
over the baby's minor ailment,
It's about getting a much-needed opportunity
To bond with the little guy.
And my priorities were all wrong.

I am 75% more at peace already.

From there, we explore some other stores.

One sells housewares.

One sells clothes.

I don’t buy anything,

I just decide to think about how nice these things would look

In my new house...

....The one I don’t have yet.

Next, we go to an outdoor mall, of sorts.

We wander slowly, taking time to admire detail,

Through a large home furnishings store.

The pieces for sale are well beyond my budget.

It’s just meant to fuel my imagination.

I see a creative display of old wine bottles

Hanging from a ceiling, above a very expensive dining room set.

The bottles are blue and white and they look like they form

a wave, like in the ocean.

I ask an associate where I can order a kit to make that at home.

She says a special employee with an interior design degree

Gets hired to make them.

They aren’t for sale.

I make a mental note of it.

I know I can copy it easily, if I find the right supplies.

I save a snapshot of it in my heart,

Because when I DO get that new house...

...I’m going to set to work drilling 48 holes

in the ceiling above the table

and hang one of those myself.

The baby rides around happily in his stroller.

Some days, when I take him with me to do errands,

He fusses.

Today, I think he is just grateful for a change of pace.

We pop into a few clothing stores.

He looks around, probably seeing a world of colors

But not understanding exactly what he sees.

I look at beautiful dresses and cutting edge fall-themed outfits

That a slightly-better-off-financially-than-myself wife

(and possibly mother)

would wear to entertain her guests at the Friendsgiving party.

The party she would have in her large, newly furnished dining room

The one with the windows overlooking the cozy deck outside

And the ambient lighting that she picked out

And her husband installed....

...I get really deep into my daydream.

I think about a life I don’t have right now,

But I wish I had.

Normally, when I think about something like that,

I feel.....depression.

Despair.

Regret.

Because I think it’s a life I won’t ever have

Because I made the WRONG choices in my 20’s.

But today, I feel a sense of hope and wonder

Like a little girl waking up on Christmas,

Knowing good things are waiting for me.

And there’s a reason for this change in attitude.