Amy's Fashion Hacks

Amy’s Fashion Hacks

They make this joke quite frequently on social media. When it comes to fashion, where is the middle ground between Arianna Grande and Hillary Clinton? One bears all when she’s out on the stage, showing off her young and toned body with high-cut booty shorts and a bralette as a shirt. The other is best known for wearing monochromatic pantsuits that are looser-fitting and somewhat boxy, covering most all of her skin, which is totally appropriate for a 70-ish-year-old politician.

But most of us aren’t a perfectly bronzed and toned size 0 pop-star, nor are we 70 years old and a highly professional politician type. I get it. I’m 32 now, and a mom. I’m still on the thin side, but I have a little more “softness” where the baby was. Even if I could be tanned out with a model figure, At age 32 with a baby, a bank job and a church involvement, I really have no business wearing a bathing suit as pants. Nor am I ready for Chico’s outfits, no matter how professional they may look.

Some 30-something mom types (and even younger!) resort to just wearing plain jeans and Old Navy’s latest basic tee. And that’s fine. Some people have a lot more to think about than their outward appearance, or their lifestyle doesn’t “allow” them any fashion-forwardness, since they are chasing around a large bevvy of children all day. Messy, sticky children. That may be me in a few more years, if I have more and as my current one grows up. In the meantime, I have invested some of my time into finding the hacks that allow me to balance somewhere between those two celebrities listed above. And if you desire something more than The Gap's hottest trends in plain white tees, I will now pass them on to you.

Hack No. 1: Lace Bike Shorts

Bike shorts and all their spandex-stretchy glory aren’t just for athletes. Did you know that some discount fashion stores sell them, with lace time around the legs, for under $10? Forever XXI and H&M come to mind. And both of these stores offer plus sizes. I have seen these little shorts online at higher-end stores like Nordstrom and Free People as well. They are not as cheap there. These little shorts will save your life. You CAN wear them for fitness purposes, but the best way to wear them is...

...Under a short dress or a skirt that opens up on one side.

Yes. That means you aren’t stuck only buying maxi skirts now that your body is changing. You can still wear the cute little sundress you wore in college,

The difference is, now you DON’T have to worry about what happens when you bend over. You will have an opaque layer of fabric with some lace peeking out. The lace will be half-way down your thigh and people will KNOW you didn't just flash them your panties.

Also, bike shorts with lace can be layered under short-shorts, if you love them but they ride up your crack and show off a little bit of your under-butt.

Hack No. 2: Bralettes

Teenagers are wearing them as shirts. College girls are wearing them as shirts. Some of the more daring late-20-somethings are wearing them as shirts. You don’t have to. They actually make a perfect under-layer for summertime that eliminates the need for a whole undershirt causing you to sweat in the heat AND that stigma with bra straps showing on the sides of your tank-top...AT THE SAME TIME.

In fact, bralettes have many more purposes than JUST replacing a bra under a tank top.

·      The ones that aren’t deep-V low-cut can cover up a few inches of cleavage that shows with a low-cut dress, when you don’t want it to (like at church)

·      The ones with a racer back and lace trim make a boring tank look sexy in the back

·      They replace bras for going under shirts that are basically transparent

·      They eliminate the need for undershirts in really hot climates, by just being the bra (if you opt for one with support) and covering up the cleavage at the same time, with cute lace straps no one will think are bra straps.

·      The lacy ones with extra detail add pizzazz to the front of a boring tee or tank or even a plain dress.

Hack No. 3: Bandeaus and Tube Tops

The teens and 20’s are wearing these as shirts too, but once again, for you they serve a functional purpose with your regular clothes. If you  have a strapless dress or cold-shoulder top, and strapless bras just annoy you, a nice soft cottony tube top can be your bra. Some come with padding for smaller-chested ladies.

In the case of the girl in the picture, it's a not-clunky alternative to a full tee under her transparent blouse.

Hack No. 4: Skirt Extenders

These can be found online and at boutique style stores like Altar’d State. They are literally silky little skirts that are too thin to actually be worn by themselves, but the bases of them have a few inches of lace ruffles. They are meant to be worn like slips, adding that 3 inches of lace to a mini dress that’s just ever-so-slightly too short to be worn as-is, but the situation doesn’t call for tights.

Skirt extenders are a lesson in elegance, and are especially great at church functions. I have many times taken the same dress from date night to Sunday sermon by just wearing this slip-like piece under it. Skirt extenders are ideal if:

·      It’s not cold enough outside for opaque tights or

·      The dress is too ... “Summer-y”? for winter leggings

·      Bike shorts with lace are just too casual for this fashion statement

·      You love a frilly spring dress but your body type is such that your legs make it just a little too short...but not short enough to treat it as a shirt.

Between bike shorts and skirt extenders, I’ve now given you TWO other options besides that bohemian trend with wearing a short dress over giant wide-leg pants. 

Hack No. 5: Bodysuits

Here is yet another fashion statement that some of the younger girls are wearing as-is. Ariana Grande is no exception. But these little leotard-like one pieces are actually your solution to the “I’m too old for cropped blouses!” conundrum.

I have a handful of sweaters and a few blouses that are just a little too short. I don’t like mom jeans, so my highest-cut pair still isn’t the highest cut the mall has to offer.

That means the shortie shirts would slide up on me and show off between three and six inches of my mid-section around and above my navel. Outside on a nice day, near the beach, I’m sure this is fine. At a church-related social function? Not so much.

I have three or four basic bodysuits. Under my jeans, they look like I’m just wearing a very fitted tank top. A fitted tank top that doesn’t pull up and show off my tramp-stamp when I bend over. Just kidding. I don’t have a tramp stamp. But you get my point. One of the ways I can wear one of the too-short sweaters is to put on the black bodysuit with black jeans. When I lift my arms over my head, it just looks like the jeans go exceptionally high.

Hack No. 6: Knotted Tees

A popular trend with all age groups of women it seems (except maybe Hillary’s) is tying, twisting or knotting the bottom of your oversized shirt. I actually LOVE this one, because it has brought new life to many plain shirts I had gotten bored of wearing. In a time where everyone does seem to gravitate towards crop tops, big oversized “boyfriend” tees stopped being so common.... unless they too could appear to be cropped. So where does the hack come in? 

Many shirts would show off as much skin as a crop-top does, if they were tied in a knot at the bottom. Many teens are wearing them that way on purpose, like some sort of rebellious move. “HAH Mom said my short was too short and made me change. So I’ll just make THIS ONE short TOO!” At 32 with a toddler, I’m not feeling so rebellious anymore. But I do want to tie my shirt up. There are three ways to do it that won’t make me look desperate to be 16 again.

·      Use a very long, oversized tee so that tying the bottom reduces it to a regular size

·      Wear a regular tee tied off, but wear higher cut shorts/skirt and an open button-down shirt over it, so only a little patch of skin shows when I move.

·      Layer (in cooler weather) a long tank top with a contrasting print or color under the tee I’m tying off.

·      More a popular style with pregnant ladies, you can also tie off a shirt that is layered over a sundress.

Hack No. 7: Getting Away With “Age Restricted” Trends

When I was maybe 26 or 27, I read an article online that said as I pushed 30, there were about twenty or so trends that just weren’t appropriate anymore. Many of them I decided to concur with the article. I was done wearing super-tight bodycon dresses, because I didn’t go to clubs anymore. I was also done wearing clothes that don’t fit properly. I had some because I found them for bottom-of-the-bargain-barrel prices and decided to ignore the fact that they were technically too big. What I couldn’t ignore was these four key things that the article told me needed to stop:

1.     No more ripped jeans

2.     No more cheetah print

3.     No more graphic tees

4.     No more see-through clothes

And to a point, they were correct about some of it. Jeans ripped so badly that there are gaping holes showing off your entire knee and part of your thighs? Not okay. It looks trashy. Cheetah print from head-to-toe? You look desperate. Graphic tees? Certain ones make you look lazy, especially if they are oversized or advertise something that isn’t cool anymore. See-through clothes are not cool when you can see things you shouldn’t, like your bra and panties.

HOWEVER- There are smaller scale, modified instances where ALL of these things are OKAY, even in your 30’s.

Ripped jeans are cute when the rips are tiny and strategically placed so that none of them get too close to a “danger zone” like the crotch or the butt of the pants. When worn with a floral print blouse and a blazer, it dresses down an office casual outfit into a “Saturday girls day” outfit.

Cheetah print looks silly on anyone when it’s their entire dress, and the dress happens to be skin-tight. OR it’s their super-tight jeggings. OR their blouse AND their shoes. You don’t want to wear copious amounts of it, or wear it like you’re trying to get the wrong kind of attention from someone in a bar... It also shouldn’t be purple or any other not-neutral, not-natural color scheme. But it’s tasteful when it’s the print for your oversized long sweater cardigan and you wear it over your black jeans and white tee. It’s cute when it’s just your office flats, but the rest of your outfit is either solid colors or very subtle prints. It’s even OK as a blouse, as long as the blouse isn’t paired with more cheetah print. Wearing it under a denim jacket and pairing it with a long black skirt could actually score you compliments.

Graphic tees can be tasteful if they meet certain standards. Of course, you decide those standards, but IMHO, there should be three very important ones.

1.     After about middle school, a graphic tee shirt should not be the main event and focal point of your whole outfit. Adults incorporate them into entire put-together looks and they become more of an accessory. A young teenager might wear a simple pair of ripped jeans, tennis shoes and the funny picture on their tee is their main statement. An adult woman with fashion savvy will wear the graphic tee tucked into a long, asymmetrical skirt and she will pair the outfit with trendy sandals, boho earrings and a denim jacket.... The picture on the tee will compliment the colors of the other parts of the outfit, and it becomes one of the many essential parts of the whole product.

2.     By 30, you really need to let go of the boxy black or white oversized tees with the corny bad attitude sayings on them....like the ones sold at Spencer’s or at those mall kiosks where the attendant screen-prints them on demand. Attitude tees can still fit into your wardrobe, but they are best when they appear to be vintage, feminine and worn-in looking.

 

3.     The tee shirt should always reflect who you are as a person. That means don’t buy one with a design on it just because it was on sale or the color scheme looks nice with something you own. If you don’t have a special place in your heart for Game of Thrones, or southern California, or Sunday brunch with mimosas or the band Journey, don’t buy the shirt. Instead, take the time to peruse online shops like Etsy for specific things that reflect what YOU are about. It’s better to have just two or three of these that display your top interests than an entire closet of random pictures and brand names on shirts that you don’t care about.

See-through clothes, like cheetah print, can be pulled off if done in small amounts                  and tastefully. Skin-tight is NOT ok, in transparent tops or bottoms. We should never                see your underwear through your leggings because your thin leggings should never                  be worn as pants. A button-down blouse that is transparent with a tasteful lace tank                top underneath can look very stylish. A transparent tulle skirt with an opaque mini                  underneath can likewise be fashionable. As long as there is something underneath                    that looks tasteful and not too much like it should be underwear, you’re in the clear.                  Pun intended.

One of my favorite transparent trends that can be worn by anyone is (ironically not in my closet right now) the long, flowing sheer dress that ties in the front over a very short mini dress.   

I do not own any of these images. They are taken from Pinterest, Forever21.com, Amazon.com, Jane.com and a few other online stores.