He Works, She Works, It Works.

What if in marrying the love of my life, I don’t get taken care of financially?

It is a realistic question you should ask yourself.

This is a rough economy. People struggle to get good jobs.

It may make sense to postpone a serious relationship until he “has it together”

But it may not be the best thing for your love.

If God has sent you the right one, He has a plan.

Even if that man isn’t making six figures. Or hardly any figures.

I know of many couples of all ages who went ahead and had a simple wedding

Because they knew they belonged together despite a difficult financial situation.

So first I want you to ask yourself a huge question.

Love or Money?

Hopefully you can answer right away, but if you must think about it,

It is now your homework for tonight.

If you answered “love”

Then you are set for a much more fulfilling life than the latter.

God will always provide.

Both love and money.

But what if you choose a marriage to a man whom you love

but who is not able to support you fully right now?

Don’t panic, and don’t let peer pressure get you down.

First of all, it is not just the men who are struggling to find work

Or to start a business who will need their wife to keep bringing in a paycheck

For awhile after the vows.

It can happen to anyone.

A man making millions who can buy his wife a new Mercedes

And take her to the Bahamas for her birthday

Can suddenly lose everything he has

And wind up working blue collar.

Several years into the marriage, she could find herself

On the employee side of a customer service desk

40+ hours a week.

There is a reason wedding vows have a “for richer or for poorer” part.

But for those of you who have chosen to love dearly a man who is,

Say, a disabled military veteran…working on his career, willing and fully

capable of making money, but a little behind schedule on launching something

That gives him more than his VA benefit allowance,

This one’s for you.

In the biblical and Christian way of life,

The man takes care of and leads the woman.

Translated to present day scenarios,

The idyllic Christian couple has a working man

and a stay-at-home wife, right?

Later, her job becomes motherhood.

In fact, that seems to be the nuclear ideal for America

regardless of the religious views.

Did you know that the ratio of couples with

A working wife to couples with only a working husband

Is at 40% and growing?

It isn’t biblical for the wife to be the “pants” in the relationship

but because of the economy’s shabby status

it is becoming more and more realistic for many couples

to have a working husband and a working wife.

(or even a working wife and a stay-home husband and father

In the case of unexpected scenarios that render him unable to work)

The cost of living is getting so high,

And the types of high paying jobs the father needs to be sole breadwinner

Are getting more scarce.

There isn’t always any other option.

Is it possible that God providing for these families

IS coming in the form of His blessing the wife

with a stable income in these cases?

I definitely believe so.

If both of you must work,

You can still be biblically correct in your relationship

And your marriage. There is more than one way to serve your husband

And let him be the leader.

1)      A good man needs respect. If you are rooting for him, even if what he’s doing isn’t brining in as much cash flow as what you’re doing, he is still going to feel loved and important. Eventually, this could give him the motivation he needs to get going.

2)      Make sure to let him lead the way in your spiritual life as a couple. Let him lead your personal bible study and let him lead in prayer.

3)      You can give him other avenues to treat you the way a husband should treat a wife. Make sure you know your love languages, and then give him suggestions for things that would make you feel romanced, like receiving a massage or coming home to a clean house. Praise him and show him how delighted you are when he does.

4)      Go out of your way to do things that speak his love language. Make his favorite dinner, show him some affection. Even if you are tired at the end of the work day. If he can’t pay all the bills, he may already feel small and need some appreciation as positive reinforcement. If he’s going to school, root for him like you’re a cheerleader. He needs to know his long nights of a studying toward a career are paying off and aren’t going unnoticed.

5)      Give him “manly jobs” around the house, like lawn work and fixing a car or putting crown molding in the living room. Once again, praise him for his hard work.

6)      Don’t be hard on him for not being the breadwinner your friend’s husband is. You are all individual people and everyone’s life story is going to be different, just like God’s plan for everyone is going to be different.

7)      Don’t overindulge him either. Praise him for being a good husband and for the things he does that are good for your marriage but don’t baby him or be his mom. He still needs to do his part, even if he’s been temporarily hindered from working by a disability or full time commitment to school. However, if he’s studying, you should just give him space to do so undisturbed.

8)      Discourage him from being hard on himself for the drawbacks that have occurred financially. Remember my recent blog post about how challenges in life, especially financially, teach compassion for others? Remind him that this harder time in your financial status is part of God’s plan and He will provide.

9)      If you are making more than he is, boost his manliness a little bit by handing him some cash at home, and then having him take you out on a date with the money. At the restaurant he will produce the money from his wallet, giving the appearance that he is taking care of you. No one you encounter in public will know the difference. It is a sneaky trick, but it works.

10)   Except for the date night trick, don’t try to outdo him by flaunting what you make. If you make significantly more, don’t spend large amounts of it on nice things for yourself and leave him out or diss his simpler gifts. Don’t constantly say “who paid for that ______? That’s right, I did.” In serious discussions. Tuck away the money in a savings account and don’t make it the center of every conversation, especially tense ones.

11)  If he’s a stay-at-home dad, make sure he gets lots of appreciation for raising your children while you are away at work. Make sure the children grow up respecting their dad the same way that a child who comes from a household where the father works would respect theirs.     

With a well respected and well supported spouse may come a new positive energy that gives him enough drive to find that perfect career. Even if not, you will have removed two other problems that are hazardous to many marriages: disrespect and pressure.

Maybe your job has better pay and benefits, making it risky to rely on his.

Maybe he is a full time student trying for something better, but it will take a few years. Whatever the reason, there is no shame in doing your part to financially take care of yourself and your family. In fact, these days in a struggling nation where there are growing unemployment rates, it is a blessing just to have a job.

If you were not able to stop working after the vows or after the maternity leave,

Remember that you aren’t alone. You are one wife from one marriage out of about 40% of all American marriages. And you can still let him lead you, just like it says in the bible.

*I would like to disclose that I am gathering all of this information from a host of Christian inspiration books, articles and talking to married people. I myself am not yet married though have carried on a relationship where marriage and finances have been discussed. My opinions are only meant for encouragement and are not substitute for proper marital or premarital counseling.