Single: The Golden Opportunity

So you’re single? So what?

This probably sounds funny coming from me, of all people.

Most of my friends have heard me be down on myself for being in my middle to later 20’s, and not having tied the knot yet with a certain special someone.

Well that’s another story I will tell another day.

Today’s topic is about being single and getting older..something I am slowly changing my view on.

Did you know that in many Christian communities, an individual isn’t recognized as being “not single” until the person is engaged with a wedding date set? It doesn’t mean that person is “available” though. The Christian community’s views on being single aren’t the same as the secular views. If you are dating someone, you are still “single” but it is a reference to your individuality and your ability to serve God as an individual. Until “two have been united as one flesh” you are free to go home to your own house at the end of the day and you are also free to serve God without putting part of your energy into serving the other “half”.  

It isn’t a free pass to go and hook up with anyone and everyone.

Being single shouldn’t be a free pass for that even if you aren’t dating someone.

That is what much of secular society has made it- a race to get a collection of lovers under your belt before being “tied down”. If that is not your stance and you seek a more wholesome view of your time not yet being married (or not yet re-married), then you are reading the right blog.

Maybe you never had a “serious” relationship. Maybe you just got out of one, and are back in singletown unexpectedly. Maybe you are dating someone but have not yet taken the next big step. Maybe you are going on regular dates but you don’t know yet if he or she is “the one”. Maybe you were married but it didn’t work out and now you have an unexpected second chance at single life. Maybe you are heartbroken or maybe you are relieved. Whatever the circumstance, you are single.

But don’t let it get you down.

And don’t let it define you.

It is a status, but it is not “who you are”.

It is also not an unfortunate circumstance to hurry and find someone to switch it for “engaged” or “married”.

Think of it as a golden opportunity.

 How many times to do hear a story about a girl or guy who married their high school sweetheart or college sweetheart and never “got out there and experienced the world and other people”, so five or six years later, they cheat? How many people marry the person they fell for when they were 18 or 19, and less than a decade later, the person changes drastically, making them “not the person I fell in love with”?

How does this happen?

Some would say it is because they didn’t date enough people. They say that because many people think that dating makes you figure out who you are and what you want. Maybe it helps a little, but more than likely, it only teaches you what you don’t want and serial dating results in a lot of heartbreak.  

I’m not saying “don’t date”, I’m saying “date wisely”.

You have the right to be picky.

You have every right.

Don’t let people tell you that you don’t.

What you also must understand is that there is much, much more to your single adulthood than who you have gone out with. There is a much bigger picture and it is thousands of times more important. According to a Christian lifestyle book on dating, ironically called “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, your single years are a time to explore, study and tackle the world. You are unhindered to serve God in whatever way He calls you.

Let’s think about Katie for a second. Katie Davis, author of a sort of memoir/biography “Kisses from Katie” got a loud and clear call from God to go and live among the impoverished Ugandan children and love them with all her heart. Did she have a boyfriend when she decided to go? Yes. Did he go with her? No. Could she have done her best work with those people if he had been there? Maybe. But probably not. Maybe she would have been too distracted by her feelings for him to pour her heart and soul into her work and really take risks. Because she was not married, she didn’t have to worry about splitting energy between the calling and nurturing her marriage. Will God give her a husband someday? Who knows. She might get married someday, but obviously her priority has been doing God’s work with those little children. It wasn’t dating lots of men and ultimately finding the perfect mate, yet she frequently describes an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love and joy and peace and other feelings of worship for God and all His love. Not having a man didn’t stop her from that.

Once you find your perfect mate, and you know he or she is the one, you will hopefully follow through with the vow from your wedding day “till death do us part.” If that’s the case, the average healthy person will be married to their average healthy mate for 40 or 50 some odd years or longer. That’s about half a century  or more that your focus and dedication will be to serving that mate and raising a family.

You will never have the opportunity to rightfully and fairly pursue God and all your life has to offer as a single individual again.

It is important to be grounded and confident in who you are and who you are in Christ before you give yourself away to someone else.

So what does your heart desire most? What does God whisper in your soul that you would love to go and do now while you can?

Put aside the fairytale fantasy of Mr. Right swooping in and sweeping you off your feet for a moment.

There’s so much more in your heart besides that.

What speaks to you?

What makes you come alive?

What would you do with or without pay,

Because you love it so much?

Because you feel like God has been tugging on your heart?

It can be anything.

Missions, a career field, a sport, art, anything.

If God willed it, it will fall into line.

This is your homework for this week.

If you are single,

Think and pray and soul search.

Find those things that intrigue and excite you most

That you can do as long as God wills it

And get started on them.

Don’t do it for me, do it for you.