Forget Not Where You Came From

"Forget not where you came from"

Married only a few weeks ago,

I sat in a friend’s small group listening to two singles talking.

One has a boyfriend, but hasn’t made plans to marry just yet.

One is truly 100% single and more interested

In mission work and building his career right now.

They were talking to each other about awkward situations

Where they had been dating someone

But didn’t feel like it was right so they had to go about

Breaking up.

I was listening to the all-too-familiar woes

Of being involved with someone whom they didn’t want to be

Or a relationship not working out.

I remember those feelings, because it was me

Only a few years ago.

But now I am married.

So I look over at my husband,

Who was eating a bowl of chili and probably tuning it out,

And I think quietly in my head

“I don’t have to worry about that ever again!”

And a kind of relief-mixed-with-warm-fuzzies

feeling starts to spread

On the inside of me a bit like

the feeling from drinking wine.

So I look over at my friend, who co-leads this group

With her husband,

Who knows how I feel and I say

“Glad I don’t have to worry about that”.

And she kind of smiles and nods.

It feels like the same kind of relief that you get

When you have been struggling with some issues

And then you get to fly in a plane somewhere.

You look down at the clouds and realize how

Literally high above your problems you are.

It is a sense of peace.

I don’t have to worry about meeting strange new guys.

I don’t have to worry about awkward dates.

I don’t have to worry about letting someone down

By telling them it isn’t working out,

or being let down by someone who “doesn’t feel that way about me”.

I don’t have to wait 3 days for a phone call

Or wonder if he’s really just playing games.

I don’t have to get a year into something special,

Only to have my heart dashed against the sharp, cruel rocks

Of a sudden breakup.

My husband won’t decide to move 2000 miles away for school

Or see other people.

That chapter of my life is done.

But I won’t let myself commit the social sin of

Forgetting where I came from.

Or maybe it’s an actual sin, I’m not sure.

It might fall into line with stories from the bible

Like the one where Jesus healed many people,

But only one came back to thank him

Or a man forgave another man’s debt,

But the forgiven man didn’t forgive his own debtor…

I’ll have to do a little more research on that.

One thing that would often make me sad,

While I was in college and for a few years thereafter,

Was when I would make a single friend

(generally a girlfriend) and then later she would

Get married and almost immediately,

Her life became all about the social circle of married girls

And it was like I and other singles didn’t exist

(Save for a few one-liners on Facebook).

In fact, even just a few years ago,

When I started being involved in church a lot more,

A married girl I knew would occasionally

strike up a conversation with me

but that would be the extent of it.

I would see on Facebook all of her shopping adventures

And lunch or dinner dates with her married friends

And would take mental note of the fact that

I wasn’t ever invited.

And it’s not that I expected to be.

But I did make a note of it.

I can’t say that I blame them.

After all, someone who got married and is wrapped up

In married life will most likely want to chat about

Wedding memories or various

married life dilemmas she’s resolved-

And if I were single, it’s not like I’d be able to relate.

In fact, I would tell them that sometimes.

One time at a housewarming party that I was invited to,

I was trying to mingle and talk to everyone there

Not just one person.

So at one point I sat at a table where two girls were sipping punch

And talking alone. I asked what they were talking about

And their response was “our wedding days”.

So I listened for 5 minutes or so to the hilarious issues

One of them had with a honeymoon hotel

But when I had no story to chime in about

“my honeymoon adventures” or “that thing my bridesmaids did”

I kind of just gave up and went to chat

With someone else.

So here I am, newly married.

I could join into more social events that are designed

For this walk of life.

I could also join into marriage enrichment classes

With married friends from church.

But what about my single ladies?

The ones I know are good, wholesome women of God

Who enjoy coffee and Pinterest and shopping at boutiques.

They aren’t the sort who would try to encourage me

To “dump my husband and hit the clubs”.

And I want to keep those kinds of level-headed

Christian women close, for their sake and mine.

For a little while, I was trying to make a difference.

I was pushing for a single’s group at church.

There were only about 6 or 8 of us

In my 20’s age bracket.

There was a small separate group of middle aged divorcees

That stuck together for support.

But a singles ministry never got off the ground.

The few we had felt like it would just become a “meat market”

And all the events in it would be just for finding dates.

They wanted something else that didn’t involve

getting hunted down by the opposite sex.

A ministry never came to pass.

But I did make it a point to reach out to singles who

Came through the church,

Whether they had been a long-term “resident”

Or were just passing through.

I made it a point to talk to them,

Invite some of them out for coffee

And check up on them when they didn’t show up

for weekly bible study.

A few had such busy (or private) lives that they couldn’t

Really be reached

But some of them became my best friends for awhile.

Then I got back together with the man I would later marry.

And we eventually made plans for the wedding

And now we’ve had the wedding and I’m in a new chapter of life.

But those girls are still waiting for their “Mr. Right”,

their calling, their “next chapter in life”.

They are waiting for God to send that answer,

be it a man or a mission.

Only a few of them are still around

But eventually there are bound to be new ones.

Who will befriend them?

It is my plan not to turn my back on the ones

Who haven’t found “the one” yet.

Not so I can teach them how to find someone and be like me,

But just for the sake of being a friend.

I also want to endeavor to talk about a whole spectrum of topics

When I have conversations with them,

Not turning every subject back to something about my married life.

Or trying to pry for evidence that they are looking for a husband

(Unless they ask for advice about finding a spouse).

Over the years, I’ve encountered ladies who

Have varying degrees of this ability or lack thereof.

I will not forget where I came from, where they still are.