I have room for improvement!

I just wanted to let all you readers know that

I am a horribly broken, wretched person.

Now before you click away to some other blog

About cute kittens, because it sounds like I just set you up

For a pitiful self-loathing rant,

Keep reading.

I’m going to justify what I just said.

I am horrible and broken…. Because I’m human.

And humans by nature are sinful.

No matter how hard we try, we sin.

Sometimes willfully because temptation grabs us all

 By the collar and pulls us into things we will regret-

And sometimes completely by accident because

Just thinking about all the terrible things we want to do

To someone who made us angry

Is as bad in God’s eyes as murdering them.

 Whoops. It looks like I’m a killer then.

To some of my friends- maybe even most-

It appears that I’m an ok person.

I go to church, I volunteer, I work and earn a living,

I am dedicated to one man.

I pray, read the bible, and try not to swear.

I have a relationship with my parents.

I don’t do drugs, smoke or drink in excess.

I don’t have a criminal record.

But that doesn’t make me “good”.

I will humbly admit that I sin constantly.

I get short and impatient with people.

I let my anxiety rule me and my moods.

I worry.

I don’t show people respect or understanding they deserve at times.

I don’t always listen.

I think about bad things that should happen

to people who have slighted me.

I think about horrible things that should happen to people who

Hurt me a lot.

I make dirty jokes or laugh at them.

I am not “pure” and I’m definitely human.

So when it comes to my attention at work that this sinful nature

Has gotten the best of me and I haven’t been the warm, tender-hearted

Customer service representative I should be…

Or a friend lets me know that I hurt their feelings with something I said….

Or family members are able to be straightforward with me about my flaws…

I realize that all the “good” I can attempt won’t cut it.

“good” doesn’t cancel out with sin, it merely mixes together

Like some kind of nasty cake batter that has some sugar and spice

But also some rotten eggs blended all throughout.

The only one who can help me isn’t another fallible human,

(like my fiancée or my parents).

It is the only one in the universe who is capable of “good” and “perfect”-

The author of life itself, God.

Thanks to his son Christ dying for us,

These daily sins- the rotten bits throughout- are forgiven.

But they still happen.

And I don’t want them to.

I want as few of them as possible.

We all should want as few of them as possible.

Being “bad” is only a fleeting pleasure with no long term benefits.

And I’ve already covered at length that “good” isn’t “good enough”.

That’s why it’s so important to wholeheartedly call on our creator and savior

And ask him… no…. plead with Him

To work in your heart and make you more like Him.

The bible says this about what God can cultivate in you if you seek Him:

“…21envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.…”

Galatians 5:22

I know if I had all of those fruits, I would be a much sweeter person.

I would be excellent at customer service because

I wouldn’t have to “fake it to make it”

I would just be happy and warm and outgoing on my own-

Even with these strange, sometimes angry people

that roll into my workplace from the general public.

I would still feel pain, anger and sadness (but probably not jealousy)

because I’m only human (even Jesus had those),

but I would manage them much better

And people wouldn’t become victims of my misplaced outbursts of angst.

Most of all, if I did slip up and hurt someone’s feelings

or do a poor job handling a problem, God’s conviction would set in

and I’d be scrambling to make it right.

Instead, I usually get too proud to take the high road

and apologize to the people that took the low road and slighted me in the first place.

The more I seek out Christ and read the word,

The more I want to be that person.

But not so people will like me more or be my friend.

I want to do it because it’s the right thing to do.

And people who do the right thing and truly walk their talk

and follow God are becoming rarer and rarer now.

Christians are called to be different.

Regardless of what “everyone else is doing”.

I am finally at a place in my life where I’d rather have those

Treasures you build up in heaven

Than just a good time while here on earth.

So step by step, I will seek to cultivate the fruits I mentioned earlier.

May God be able to use your heart for the same….